


but every time they say jedi it gets faster

by deathbyspaceglam



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Jedi Finn, M/M, Matchmaker BB-8, Matt the radar technician - Freeform, Rey Skywalker, like grandmother like grandson, mentions of reyva, stormtrooper memes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-09-25 04:11:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9802088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathbyspaceglam/pseuds/deathbyspaceglam
Summary: My hopes for Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi dir. Rian Johnson (2017)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for stormpilotweek. Prompt: Hopes for Episode VIII.  
> Well, most of my hopes, anyway.  
> Written in a crack style to emphasize the vagueness of the image these hopes produce.

Finn and Rey burst thrugh the front dors of snooks extra fuckign palace. kyle ron stepped out of an elevator with two guards. “Leave us,” he siad. The guards left.

They all walked towrads each other. “Ren,” said Rey.

“Skywalker,” echoed kilogram.

“(His actual last name that will exist),” said Finn. Rey and kilometer looked at him. “What? it’s the only name left”

kiloliter unclipped his tiny terrible looking cape and it fluttered to the floor. Rey and Finn, in perfect syncchronization, dropped the cloaks oft heir jedi ropes to the floor. They were wearing sleevels robes and their gunds were on full display.

“NOOOOOOOO! MY SHREDDED 8 PACK!” scremed kaleidoscope as he lit up his stupid crossgaurd lightsaber. Rey ignited her really nice looking green saberstaff as Finn, next to her, ignited his goldenrod lightsaber.

—

memewhile in space, Poe landed his x-wing in the hangar of a star destroyer. BB-8 made beepies. “It’s okay, buddy,” said Poe in his adorably gentle voice he only uses for bb. “Just follow my moves.” they snEAK around, eventually finding genetal huckleberry on the bridge.

hulx turned around. Before he coudl say anythign, Poe punched him in the jaw. They engaged in fisticuffs, with Poe basically kicking hulks ass because even though neither of them really knows how to fistfight, Poe knows a little more than that fascist clown.

The fight moved to an airlock and BB-8 took over, zapping the space nazi anywhere they could reach. Poe found the controls of the airlock. “Good job, BB,” he said as he reached for the switch. “Magnetize!” They magnetized and Poe fliped the switch sending the gingder authoritarian into space. he burned up in a fucking sun.

—

Finn’s lighsaber sliced through kilocalorie’s stupid black ourfit showing his nonexistient abs. keyboardsmash covered the exposed areae with oen hand as he kept slashing at the jedi. stormtroopers gathered aroudnt taing pictues.

as kiloparsec was surrounded by storomtroopseses, Rey and Finn escaped to a balcony. Just then Luke got out of the throne room onto the balcony. Rey ran toward him and they hugged. She was so happy now that she had someone she could call family who woudl never leave her behind.

“Let’s get out of here,” said Luke to his apprentices.

—

as the three last jedi left the castle, Poe touched down infront of them and got out of his x-wing. BB-8 got out of the x-wing and, noticing the others, made a series of loud, excited beepies and rolled toward their other favorite humans. Finn, seeing the excited droid rolling toard him, looked up and saw that poe was following them. he ran towards poe and greeted him with a hug. “I’m glad you’re safe,” he said before brushing a kiss across Poe’s lips.

“Me too, buddy. I missed you,” said Poe, cupping Finn’s face in his hands and kissing him back. They stumbled back toward the x-wing, leaning against the side of it as they continued the kiss, Finn running his fingers through Poe’s hair.

BB-8 rolled around Rey and Luke, exctiteldy beep-bragging about their matchmaking skills. Luke rolled his eyes. “It’s not like you got me any of my-“ he counted on his fingers- “six boyfriends.”

“I don’t know,” said Rey. “They did trip Jess when I kept her from falling using the Force.”

**Author's Note:**

> These aren’t all my hopes for The Last Jedi. I also want Space Prince Finn to happen and for Kelly Marie Tran to have an important role, but I wasn’t sure how to write either of these things into a fic.


End file.
